TIDES OF CHANGE

Oh my!  Its been soooo long since I posted here; nearly 12 months!  

At my last entry I was 1 day from competing, and at the show I placed 2nd.  I looked and felt incredible.

Since then, the competing 'buzz' took a turn and my passion was put into family, general health (without the expectation to perform or be judged on stage) and well-being and keeping a happy soul.  I often wondered what would happen when I made the decision to stop, or take a break from, competing.

My body has been under 'training' and 'dieting' for years.  My first venture into it was to get my eating under control - and also control my portions, eating times and macro-nutrients to the letter.  Before competing I had battled with food in the form of bulimia and in my very early 20's I recall weighing only 48kilos as I succumbed myself to a very restricted food intake and spent every evening running running and running to get the 'fat' that I probably didn't have off.  Looking back to what I ate I don't know how I even had the energy to get out of bed!  

The decision to not compete is hard.  People look at me at the gym expecting me to be pushing weights, and occasionally going through poses in the mirror.  Often I would be asked "when's the next comp!?" from those who would come to the shows.  There is an expectation to look lean and muscular, so when you decide to let that go, its hard on the mind as your body softens with body fat and you also try to relax about food.  Some days I would look in the mirror at disgust as my abs disappeared, and normal levels of fat padded my hips and other parts of my body. Now I am healthy, fit and well and can look in the mirror with satisfaction.

I am now 'comfortable' in my skin and content with eating a balanced food intake and the occasional wine a and baked treat.  I have avoided going to competitions, and looking at competitors photos on the internet... something that used to motivate me to train.  

My soul is happy, I am content with life.  I lift a few weights here and there and have a love of power-walking and the occasional jog to keep my fitness levels and strength in check.  

I haven't weighed myself in a month - this is a great accomplishment as it used to be done 2-3 times per week.

So now, I feel even more empowered with my life... it only took me about 18 years to get there, but its great!